Sequel

You know when you're reading a VERY good book, and the author ends it in a way that kind of doesn't make sense? When even though you have the sequel and can find out all about it in the next book, you're thinking the whole time, yeah if I were writing this it would just NOT end this way. The story would most definitely not be headed this direction.


I've been feeling that way lately about my life. Change is coming. I'm moving out of the place with the folks and into an apartment closer to the things I do with the short 24 hours in each day. It's about time, I know, and yes, I am excited about the new place. Which is why I was confused for a couple of hours today when I seemed to... sink into myself. My life is changing, which is good. I like change. The sinking came with the realization that I always expected to be somewhere else right now. I definitely don't wish my life away, but I want change with a caps-c, not slight change.


See, if this was my story...I'd be headed to San Francisco right now. Right now when my job is boring and un-challenging. Right now when I have few friends. Right now when I'm looking at another winter full of dull gray skies and no rain. I'd be headed to a tiny apartment in an old building in the fading light, walking up steep hills to work and play, eating whatever kind of ethnic food I want and making friends with people that care about the things I care about.


BUT. This is not my story to write. It is mine to tell, but it belongs to Jesus to write it. I won't go into the details of the why or the how I know I'm not supposed to leave. The, Jesus, I said I'd live anywhere and be anything you wanted me to be, but here, in this fake in-between? It feels like purgatory. I'll just say that Bakersfield is where he wants me right now, and faith (which I'm not very good at in the first place) is the only reason I'm not going crazy. That and the morbid fascination with what could possibly happen in purgatory in the next couple of years. Hopefully I'll get excited again about the small things. The change with the small-c. And until then?

Here's to His sequel being better than anything I could ever write.