I got the joy - JOY

Down in my heart. I do. It began as unrest, and pressure from the holy spirit like an anvil on my chest, to pray and pray hard. So I did. I prayed for everyone I could think of, not knowing if this anvil was for a specific person or for something to come, or for the church as a whole. I realized a while into pondering, though, that it doesn't matter. God will reveal it to me as he sees fit*, and I just need to get over the wonderin' and on with the prayin'.

This is one of those times where I'm not even sure why God asked me to pray. Who am I that I should have the privilege of interceding on behalf of others? Especially recently I seem bogged down by my own sins and shortcomings. But this persistance of the Spirit was so clear that it seemed to bring one fact to light for me: no matter where I am, as a follower of Christ, he will use me as he sees fit, when he sees fit. My sins are gone to him, scattered. I should pay them no heed except as to confess and not fall in again. So I began to pray.

AND THEN CAME THE JOY. This morning. Overwhelming. I feel clean, free, joyful, desiring and thirsting for the things of God like I haven't in a long, long time. I feel like I should be spinning in an open field, arms wide, and falling on my face before God. This whole experience is entirely other than myself, and it's beautiful to have God working deep down in my heart. I still feel burndened, but my Jesus, the joy, thank you. I want to drink the deep water.

*PS if you were going through a hard time during this time, it's probably you I'sa been a-praying for and if you want to tell me about it I want to hear it.