On the Mend

just reminded me of when I hear people my age say "on the rag" and I throw up in my mouth. How can you say that? Do you know what that actually used to mean? Are you a freak?

Ahem. I am doing a little better in general, so thank you to those of you who've been praying for me. Frankly I've been so busy this week I haven't had much time to think of it, thanks to the loads of fun I've been having at work lately!

It seems to me that many of the people I'm around lately have been having the same sort of feelings - fighting depression, or overwhelmed, or worn out, or struggling to survive, or just discouraged. Is it the winter? What is it that's bringing us so far out from the deep joy we find in Christ? Whatever I do know that he works through all these things and joy can be found in the midst of them. But it seems like no one's finding the joy, or am I just talking to the wrong people? When I get together with these friends, we don't talk about the joy of Christ. Or I just don't get together with these friends. Not sure what to do, but I truly think that time spent in the body, encouraging and uplifting each other, would truly help us all out a bit. So obviously while me and Jesus are doing better, this need for community is still there. I feel it a lot, perhaps because unity in the body is something I care so much about. I'm praying we all reach our limits soon and allow Christ to lift us up, and lift us up together. I'm not sure what else to do.*

Possibly my head (and the dramatic sense inside me) thinks I will have this moment of epiphany! (which was a week and a half ago btw in case you want to follow the calendar through lent this year - one of my goals I've yet to get started on is to be staying in and reading through this book - liturgical I know but it helps at times like these - thanks for the indroduction Mark Carter - but back to epiphany!) I feel like there has to be this moment where the sun breaks through and there's that long sigh and the breeze picks up and I know I'll be all right. Usually for me this moment comes when I'm at least 100 miles from where I'm having trouble. Maybe though... I don't need a moment of epiphany. Maybe I don't need to fly away. hmmm... a revolutionary thought for this self. I'm working through this part of my personality - sizing it up and making sure it melds to the image of Christ. And if that melding means wiping out and replacing, well, that's okay too.

I'm also learning how to deal with being a single person (what?!?!?!? crazy thought, I know). Turns out I'm not so good at it sometimes. The over-independence, the wanting-sex, the doing-ministry, all of it. It's hard. And it's okay, that it's difficult, cause, shoot, being married's probably harder. But I do know that I need to work on myself, because there's no one around pointing out my faults and telling me I'm not handling things well - probably because I usually do seem to handle things well. And because I like to do well at whatever I'm doing, I need to do this well too. But at the same time I need to be preparing to be a good wifey, in case God has that for me. I used to think the two paths were somewhat exclusive, but am currently holding out hope that I can do single well and be preparing at the same time. Without getting my hopes up too much. Which is crappy. Whatever I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm obviously confused about all this right now.

So if someone could tell me how to be smart without being attached to my job, attractive without being seductive, strong without appearing like I'll never need a man, and pretty much just how to see myself right now cause I have no idea how to see myself, that'd be great, thanks.

HAAAAPPPPYYYY FRIIIIIDDDAAAYYY

*Although, if you live here in town, we are planning a super-amazing fun night on the 14th (yes, I know its Valentines, and do I care? No. Everyone needs something to do anyway. Besides, it was the only free weekend night in the next two months). So stay tuned.