SAYING NO

I used to be really good at it. But it seems I can’t anymore. It's probably why I never have time to blog here. I can’t say no to hang-out times, or lunch I shouldn’t be going to. I can’t say no to invites that will make me spend money in one way or another. I can’t say no to myself.

A big part of saying no, for me, is giving people other options. Letting them know I care, or still want to see them, but a different time/place/activity/group would work better for me. I can’t seem to ask other people to do things that are perfectly fine to ask. Like put a time limit on evenings I have people over to my house. I hate putting time limits on people. Or to join a group of us for dinner. I now have something that lasts at least two hours, most more, four nights a week. Then add in all the person-person time. That is crazy.

I guess I feel selfish. A lot of it comes with my situation in life. I’m not the one with the kids, so of course I’ll drive farther, or hang out at odd times. I’m the big sister to a lot of girls, who have more hours to spend than I do, less money (technically) to spend than I do, etc. I like to do fun things. But seriously? I am a single woman, which means I have to work full time and do ministry and keep up my home on top of that. My life is challenging too.

It stresses me out to not be home. Because my house is messy, and because my life is messy. And because I’m really, really trying to pay down my debt, and not being at home ever means I spend more money. More money eating out because I don’t have time to prep food, more money on gas, more money on convenience, more money on, yes, late fees. It stresses me out to stay out late and not get enough sleep. I work less productively, spend more money on caffeine, make poorer decisions, and am grumpier.

I’m thinkin if I’m in a better place with all this and more rested I’ll be more interactive with people when I am with them as well. I am a maximizer. It’s hard to maximize when you feel like there’s nothing left. I don't want to complain about it or lash out verbally out of stress. If I am going to avoid becoming a hermit for a year (we’re talking worse than Dani) (I am dangerously close), I have to start saying no.

I’m starting now. NO. My bed time is ten pm. If we are friends, I cannot hang out with you one-on-one for hours each week (family is my one exception). I cannot go out to eat at expensive places. Weekends are for hanging out, home cleaning and hiking. Weeknights are for dinner and talking til around nine, maybe. If I don’t text/call you back all day it’s because I’m at WORK and I’m not supposed to.