On a lighter note...

I have a new house. Renting. Hardwood floors. I'm working on making it home-y, but as we all know my home is not here, so... yeah I'm done with that sentence. I also got the chip in my front tooth filled and it looks all pretty and shiny and I almost got in an accident on my way home from the dentist because I was admiring it in my flip-down mirror.

I finally slept for nine hours in a row. Hoo-ray.

I'm making popsicles. But it's only in the low nineties outside. Bad timing.

I had a waffle breakfast picnic with the cutest three and six year old girls ever, after having a sleepover complete with dancing and nailpainting and smoothie-making. And digging in the dirt and nailing together a table. Sleepovers should be well-rounded in my opinion.

I made yummy frozen almond ice cream/salty butterscotch brownies. I think I need help naming my food creations.

Rearview

I wrote this poem last summer sometime, wondering in my head about (what else?) guys. Silly little ditty. Why I never posted it. But now, looking back, I have answers to all three. A couple I wish I had known then, but none I felt I really could or would have handled differently. Noted for your perusal.

I notice you when
you notice me but
is that all it will ever be?

It WILL be more, a very good more, but it has an end.

Too old or too young
Can’t there
be one in between?

THIS is only trouble, & enough stress to make an ulcer cry.

I would be, if He
would be. But he won’t ever be.
I’m so over this.

He WON"T ever be, and? It is good. Very good. Get over it is right.

SAYING NO

I used to be really good at it. But it seems I can’t anymore. It's probably why I never have time to blog here. I can’t say no to hang-out times, or lunch I shouldn’t be going to. I can’t say no to invites that will make me spend money in one way or another. I can’t say no to myself.

A big part of saying no, for me, is giving people other options. Letting them know I care, or still want to see them, but a different time/place/activity/group would work better for me. I can’t seem to ask other people to do things that are perfectly fine to ask. Like put a time limit on evenings I have people over to my house. I hate putting time limits on people. Or to join a group of us for dinner. I now have something that lasts at least two hours, most more, four nights a week. Then add in all the person-person time. That is crazy.

I guess I feel selfish. A lot of it comes with my situation in life. I’m not the one with the kids, so of course I’ll drive farther, or hang out at odd times. I’m the big sister to a lot of girls, who have more hours to spend than I do, less money (technically) to spend than I do, etc. I like to do fun things. But seriously? I am a single woman, which means I have to work full time and do ministry and keep up my home on top of that. My life is challenging too.

It stresses me out to not be home. Because my house is messy, and because my life is messy. And because I’m really, really trying to pay down my debt, and not being at home ever means I spend more money. More money eating out because I don’t have time to prep food, more money on gas, more money on convenience, more money on, yes, late fees. It stresses me out to stay out late and not get enough sleep. I work less productively, spend more money on caffeine, make poorer decisions, and am grumpier.

I’m thinkin if I’m in a better place with all this and more rested I’ll be more interactive with people when I am with them as well. I am a maximizer. It’s hard to maximize when you feel like there’s nothing left. I don't want to complain about it or lash out verbally out of stress. If I am going to avoid becoming a hermit for a year (we’re talking worse than Dani) (I am dangerously close), I have to start saying no.

I’m starting now. NO. My bed time is ten pm. If we are friends, I cannot hang out with you one-on-one for hours each week (family is my one exception). I cannot go out to eat at expensive places. Weekends are for hanging out, home cleaning and hiking. Weeknights are for dinner and talking til around nine, maybe. If I don’t text/call you back all day it’s because I’m at WORK and I’m not supposed to.