Going on a While Now

Welp, I'm still not very good at going to sleep early, but I do feel more rested. I don't have that twitchy feel anymore, that had me unable to focus for more than about two minutes. I'm enjoying my break from activites and people, even though I'm still doing a lot of family stuff. Family, I love you, but SERIOUSLY. Do you remember when I used to read all day and ignore everyone until you called my name three times when I was like eight? This is my grown-up version.

I always hated people who counted down the days til Friday, but this week I am glad. It means rest, and I am looking forward to being full of rest.

Housewarming soon. Who knows how long I'll be there, but it's a good excuse to make cute invitations and have people over to get a sugar high on homemade ice cream and popsicles. Mmmm, ice cream. Blackberries and Strawberries and Blueberries, how I love summertime in California.

I like these prints; especially the captions:
http://www.buildingaworld.com/store/product.php?productid=16838&cat=273&page=4

On a lighter note...

I have a new house. Renting. Hardwood floors. I'm working on making it home-y, but as we all know my home is not here, so... yeah I'm done with that sentence. I also got the chip in my front tooth filled and it looks all pretty and shiny and I almost got in an accident on my way home from the dentist because I was admiring it in my flip-down mirror.

I finally slept for nine hours in a row. Hoo-ray.

I'm making popsicles. But it's only in the low nineties outside. Bad timing.

I had a waffle breakfast picnic with the cutest three and six year old girls ever, after having a sleepover complete with dancing and nailpainting and smoothie-making. And digging in the dirt and nailing together a table. Sleepovers should be well-rounded in my opinion.

I made yummy frozen almond ice cream/salty butterscotch brownies. I think I need help naming my food creations.

Rearview

I wrote this poem last summer sometime, wondering in my head about (what else?) guys. Silly little ditty. Why I never posted it. But now, looking back, I have answers to all three. A couple I wish I had known then, but none I felt I really could or would have handled differently. Noted for your perusal.

I notice you when
you notice me but
is that all it will ever be?

It WILL be more, a very good more, but it has an end.

Too old or too young
Can’t there
be one in between?

THIS is only trouble, & enough stress to make an ulcer cry.

I would be, if He
would be. But he won’t ever be.
I’m so over this.

He WON"T ever be, and? It is good. Very good. Get over it is right.

SAYING NO

I used to be really good at it. But it seems I can’t anymore. It's probably why I never have time to blog here. I can’t say no to hang-out times, or lunch I shouldn’t be going to. I can’t say no to invites that will make me spend money in one way or another. I can’t say no to myself.

A big part of saying no, for me, is giving people other options. Letting them know I care, or still want to see them, but a different time/place/activity/group would work better for me. I can’t seem to ask other people to do things that are perfectly fine to ask. Like put a time limit on evenings I have people over to my house. I hate putting time limits on people. Or to join a group of us for dinner. I now have something that lasts at least two hours, most more, four nights a week. Then add in all the person-person time. That is crazy.

I guess I feel selfish. A lot of it comes with my situation in life. I’m not the one with the kids, so of course I’ll drive farther, or hang out at odd times. I’m the big sister to a lot of girls, who have more hours to spend than I do, less money (technically) to spend than I do, etc. I like to do fun things. But seriously? I am a single woman, which means I have to work full time and do ministry and keep up my home on top of that. My life is challenging too.

It stresses me out to not be home. Because my house is messy, and because my life is messy. And because I’m really, really trying to pay down my debt, and not being at home ever means I spend more money. More money eating out because I don’t have time to prep food, more money on gas, more money on convenience, more money on, yes, late fees. It stresses me out to stay out late and not get enough sleep. I work less productively, spend more money on caffeine, make poorer decisions, and am grumpier.

I’m thinkin if I’m in a better place with all this and more rested I’ll be more interactive with people when I am with them as well. I am a maximizer. It’s hard to maximize when you feel like there’s nothing left. I don't want to complain about it or lash out verbally out of stress. If I am going to avoid becoming a hermit for a year (we’re talking worse than Dani) (I am dangerously close), I have to start saying no.

I’m starting now. NO. My bed time is ten pm. If we are friends, I cannot hang out with you one-on-one for hours each week (family is my one exception). I cannot go out to eat at expensive places. Weekends are for hanging out, home cleaning and hiking. Weeknights are for dinner and talking til around nine, maybe. If I don’t text/call you back all day it’s because I’m at WORK and I’m not supposed to.

Where I've Been...

Here, in the Golden Trout Wilderness, backpacking with two awesome girls.

Here, in the Alabama Hills, preparing to summit Mt. Whitney - that middle, jagged peak, right above me & my pop's head. 22 miles, 6100ft elevation gain, on about an hour's sleep. And I want to do it again.

Here, at CAMP! With my BIG KIDS! And apparently an army of

CLOWN-MAKEUP ARTISTS!

Here, at gorgeous Hume Lake.

Here, in front of the mirror, preparing to rock eighties/disco for bowling with

my girls.

Here, on Oahu for Thanksgiving with Brad and Cortney - they just make me smile whenever I think of them.

Here, in Kaua'i, standing on the edge of the Napali coast about a mile in. Everywhere else on my "most beautiful place on earth" shifted down one. Jagged mountains into turquoise ocean. Mmm Mmm.

Here, hiking in the hills with my new favorite kids, Mark and Megan, and Pam!, whose name is always noted with an exclamation point in my head because she is that full of energy.

And most recently, here. In Kenya. I was there with my bigkids for ten days. More on that, and the rest of this, later.

The Lord has been good to me.